Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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