Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
