oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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