Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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