So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
