remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
