I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
