Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
