Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
