Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
