they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
