Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
