Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Send help, water and tortillas.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
