It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
