I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
