So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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