Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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