I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize