First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
