Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
