I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
