brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I am naked and annoyed.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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