Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
