You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
