I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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