I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
