did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
