So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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