So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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