are you so shy because you have an std?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
