I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
