It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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