Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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