Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
