i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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