so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
