Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
