apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
