THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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