my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize