I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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