I got chris browned last night
I'm gonna have a badass scar
smell my finger.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
