I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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