i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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