Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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