Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
