i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
