i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
