dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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