Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I could fuck to npr.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
