really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize