It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
