I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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