you traded sex for a burrito?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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