i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
