dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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