I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
