That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
