I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
