Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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