I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
love makes seman taste better
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
