I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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