Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Terrible idea I love it
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
