threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
