I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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