I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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