3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
