Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
