Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
