I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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