The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
