its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So much Jack, so little girl.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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