ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
