Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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