I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
