I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Found the puke drawer
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
