party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize