You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I will be naked everywhere
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
