So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
