Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize