I've blown a few things in my day
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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