Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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