I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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