Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We named our party play list daddy issues
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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