How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
