He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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