do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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