Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
