just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
