I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize