What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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