you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
