just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
