apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
