it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
