on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
