we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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