he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
