I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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